I just read a Reuters article about breaking-up in the digital age. It seems that while breaking up with someone face to face still holds the majority (38%), digital dumping is on the rise. According to the article, 34% of those surveyed said they ended a relationship via e-mail; 13% changed their status on Facebook without telling their partners; 8% used the phone, 6% sent out a tweet; and 2% broke up via text message!Now, of course this is just a silly 2,000 people survey, and it's obviously not even totally accurate (the numbers add up to 101%), but the point is clear - digital dumping will soon be the new normal. Anyone who know me knows that I'm an advocate for doing things in a new and different way, but I think this is just wrong...
If you have a real relationship with someone, where most of your interactions are in person, then breaking-up should also be done in person. You owe that to them. However, If it's a digital relationship, then you can break up digitally! Some things are just too important and personal to be left to tweets and text messages. Would you e-mail you're husband to let him know you're pregnant? Should your doctor Facebook you to let you know that you have cancer?
Let me be clear, I'm not objecting to any of these technologies. As a matter of fact, I love all the new ways that we can now communicate! I just feel that people are generally lazy and would find any way to avoid confrontation. I think that's cowardly! If you're going to break-up with someone, then have the balls to do it face to face. I would rather be told in person than sent a Dear John text... wouldn't you?
That's my point, and if you disagree, come tell me in person ;)
All affairs of the heart should be handled in person, unless you already have a restraining order out against your soon-to-be ex. :) Anybody who wants to weasel out of something electronically gets major schmuck points with bad karma to boot, IMO.
ReplyDeletein an episode of sex and the city, carrie's boyfriend berger breaks up with her via a post-it..a break up form that is on par with the electronic types of break ups we are talking about here. later in the episode she runs into one of his friends where he says to her that there is no good way to break up with anyone. the following is her reply, one that i think applies to email, text, IM or any other non-personal break-up approach:
ReplyDelete"you can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. call me crazy but, i think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. i think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation because, here's what, avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy....most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. we just want an ending to a relationship..that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. so my point is this, there is a good way to break-up with someone, and it doesn't include a post-it."
I love that SATC episode! It's all true. Have some class and do it in person.
ReplyDeleteThis may be all about sincerity. People may have been more in "mememe" world.
ReplyDeleteI think if someone tells you an important thing via electiric devices, that means s/he is not sincere enough. The words are thrown away from only one way to another without any interruption.
However, I know a person in Japan who had a problem with his father in U.S.A. and one day received a letter with a lot of emotions from his father was rather angry not receiving it via e-mail. Since I thought a letter is more with personal touch than e-mail, I could not understand why he was angry. His point was: if you receive something important via e-mail, you can reply within a second. You do not have to wait to receive it. He thought his father did it because he wanted to avoid his son's prompt reply. He thought his father was not sincere enough.
That could be true, but I am still not sure about it.
Moreover, I have to confess that I have an expeience of breaking up via e-mail. (only once!) It was because e-mail was the only device I could contact him. Probably,also, I did not have the guts to do it face-to-face. I might be afraid to accept him again and again even though I knew it was a bad choice. Or, I did not want to wait until the day I saw him again, which could be in six-month time. Or, I was not sure if I could keep my mind unchanged.
Anyway, my point is it could be laziness but also lack of sincerity. If you think of someone, you do things without asking for electric devices' help!
I have never had the experience of breaking up with someone via email (I am too old and married too long!)....but...one thing I have learned over the years...never put anything in writing that you might regret in the future. A conversation, either by phone or in person, dissipates over time...something in writing can be kept forever!
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